A Werewolf, Three Vampires, and Loblaws
by m00nshoes potter
Summary: Jacob Black is going to a grocery store with three female vampires.   There were way too many things wrong with that sentence.
1. Chapter 1

As I stared out the window, watching the quickly passing objects outside, I wondered if I had ever once imagined my life would turn out like this.

I was a werewolf, driving to the grocery store, with three female vampires.

There were way too many things wrong with that sentence.

Bella was driving the Volvo, while Rosalie sat in the passenger seat checking her already perfect hair in the mirror. That left me stuck in the backseat next to Alice, who had her eyes glued shut and her pixie face all pinched up in concentration trying to "see" around my block in her visions.

It was strange, and horribly wrong, how normal this all felt to me.

Before I let myself reason why I should not be in this situation, I thought of Renesmee and I remembered why I must make this trip. For her, of course.

It was Renesmee's first birthday. However, the human friends and family attending her birthday party were under the impression that she was turning 6. Being one of the only half human - half vampires in existence had left a fair share of unexpected side effects. Her rare gift of communication was one, but her growth, mentally and physically, being the largest. In one year she had grown the size of a petite six year old child, and her mental capacity and understanding was years beyond the average adult. At first, the unknown answer of her growth rate and power had frightened us all and had been the cause of a confrontation with the Volturi. It would have evolved into a very brutal war and blood bath if Alice had not saved the day, literally, by bringing another half human - half vampire to prove to the Volturi that Renesmee was no harm. After learning that half mortal- half immortal children developed quickly and stopped aging after about six years, the Volturi were forced to reluctantly leave us in peace, despite how much they wanted Renesmee and the Cullens dead.

My hands lightly began to tremble as I recalled the memory and experienced the shear hatred I felt for every single member of Volturi. Rosalie immediately turned around to stare at my hands for several seconds, before turning back around. That was her way of "warning" me without Bella getting angry at her. Her dislike for me being a werewolf almost overcame her dislike for me personally. However, our love for Renesmee had bonded us in a way. Instead of our former intense hatred for each other, it was more of a never ending annoyance and angry bickering, that resulted in a usual scolding from Bella and the occasional scold from Renesmee.

I took a deep breath and reminded myself that now everything was perfectly fine. No matter what the Volturi did we would be prepared, and for now we were at complete peace. Nothing on this earth could harm Renesmee.

Needless to say, we all knew her birthdays as a child were limited. So, for her first birthday we all wanted to give her something she would never forget. It was a good thing that when it came to celebrations the Cullens had always preferred it that way, something nobody could forget. Oh, and it probably helped that they could have bought the continent if they desired.

Bella decided to let Alice plan the party, because we all could accept that Alice was the best in that department. However, having been to an "Alice-planned-event", I was a little worried about what to expect.

Nothing says party to some five year olds and their judgmental parents than fire throwing trapezes artists in a two story RV going to New York CIty.

Luckily Bella was on my side for this one. Even though she trusted Alice in making an unforgettable party, she had been closely watching her over the past weeks to avoid anything **too **outrageous. For example, Alice's first idea of renting out Disney World for the week.

But at this point, it seemed everything had turned out perfectly. Alice had managed to plan a child's party that nobody in the town of Forks, or the state of Washington for that matter, could surpass, while maintaining an appropriate age theme and budget. Well, an appropriate budget for a family of vampires. Her idea was to bring the carnival to the Cullen's backyard. The plan was to have a cobblestone path (how in the world that would be assembled was not of my concern) leading to a ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, a giant "bouncy house", and a full size jungle gym, with cotton candy and pretzel stands throughout the path. Each different ride or component would have one of the Cullens "running" it, and kids could go whichever direction they please, using the fake tickets Alice had ordered to get on rides. Just like a real carnival.

Today Edward, Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and Esme (who I recently discovered has a surprising talent and love of construction and architect) would be setting everything up for the party which would be held in two days. The jungle gym and trampoline house were already assembled by the time we had left this morning, and the ferris wheel and merry-go-round were in the process of being put together. The snack stands were arriving this afternoon along with the pretend entrance booth and tickets. Throughout the day they would be creating the cobblestone path. Again, however that would be assembled was not something I planned to worry about. In the back of my mind I knew the fact that they had managed to bring actual theme park equipment to a one year olds party should have shocked me, but assuming the vampire super strength and unlimited supply of money, nothing really shocked me anymore.

But now that we were so close to the actual day, everyone was in power mode. We all had a part to play, in completing such a monstrosity of an event. Charlie was watching Renesmee today and tomorrow while her party was being put together. The boys and Esme were working on getting everything ready. Which left the girls, and me.

Alice being Alice had insisted that everything was to be done either by the best of the best, or home made by the Cullens themselves. This had included food and snacks. Alice wanted the best caterer in Seattle to make the food for Renesmee's guests. But, Bella being Bella had insisted that five year olds liked pretty much anything that wasn't green and so the food should be practical and could be made at home. After a very long argument between Alice and Bella they had decided to compromise. The snack food and lunch course could be bought and prepared by the Cullens, but they would buy it in a Seattle grocery store because according to Alice nothing in Forks was party standard. The cake would be designed and ordered specially, but Bella's compromise was that it had to come from a cake designer in Forks. Seemed like a pretty fair trade. And today while the boys and Esme did the actual labour, Alice, Rosalie and Bella would buy the food.

I originally was supposed to be helping with the cobblestone path and ride set up, considering my own super strength, but last minute something went off in my head. Not that I didn't trust Bella and the vampires undeniable intelligence for everything, but Bella had not eaten in a year and Alice hadn't ever eaten that she can remember. Never.

It didn't seem right to let them buy all the human food for the human children when they had absolutely no sense of what human children enjoyed to eat anyway. I, however, had tons of knowledge in that department and thought I could be considered sorta like a human (well as human as they could get) consultant. I had told them that I just wanted to spend some much needed time with Bella, my best friend. But truthfully I was just trying to avoid the possible disaster of three vampires handling the food for the party of my reason for existence.

I was surprised at how willing (except for Rosalie, but willing does not apply in her vocabulary when it comes to me) the vampires seemed to have me along. I knew since Bella was my best and closest friend despite the natural enemies thing, that she was only happy to have me along for company. Alice however, seemed too reeved up about the idea of a grocery store to have even me and my vision blocking self dampen her excitement. I guess people who never eat find grocery stores fascinating. Strange.

Suddenly, a low hiss interrupted my deep thoughts and I turned my head from the window. It was Alice who made the menacing sound, but we all seemed to have our eyes on Bella. Usually something like that implied a threat, and I would shift to hyper alert, defensive mode immediately. But something about Bella's face told me there wasn't any real danger. She had that expression on her face that told me that, when she was human, she would have been blushing.

"Bella, why do I see us buying bags of chips", she paused and thought for a second before continuing, "probably stale, from the local grocery store?" A laugh escaped me at the way Alice had said local. She made it sound like a word that was too dirty to say in front of parents or teachers.

Bella's eyebrows pulled together in confusion, but quickly changed to dissatisfaction. " Aw come on, how did you see that one? I literally decided, only half a minute ago!" Bella asked trying to make the mood humorous. Alice replied with a short, rumbling snarl.

Bella's nonchalant act was over and she began to plead. "Alice, I guarantee you that there is no need to buy finger foods in Seattle! Seriously, I know we had a deal but I'm a little bit more experienced with food than you are," she said quickly and guiltily. "And, I mean you guys have bought so much already, no need to add more cost to your budget", Bella pleaded before looking at Alice hopefully.

Alice only growled again.

"Really Al, I eat all the time and Forks food is just as good as any, I promise," I said softly trying to persuade her.

You knew your life was really screwed up when you had nicknames for you vampire friends.

Now, rather than a growl or an argument, Alice's bottom lip puckered just enough and her golden eyes bulged. Bella saw her face and immediately her expression was pained. "Alice..." she said said in desperation, almost a whine.

Alice's voice was heartbreaking. "We had a deal. I ordered the cake from the crappy little bakery downtown, it killed me to just walk in there you know? And now you..." she trailed off as her eye brows curled in and her chin began to quiver.

Bella was so emotionally torn she began to slow the car down. She started to say something, but glancing at Alice's face, she went silent and hung her mouth open like a fish. I saw Rosalie hiding her laughs while looking out the window, and I couldn't help but smirk. We both knew better than anyone that Alice had easily cracked classic martyr Bella. Alice noticed the atmosphere and took it as her victory. "Drive," she commanded in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Bella sighed heavily, but we all knew Alice had long since won. As the car sped up and started down the highway to Seattle, Alice wore a smug little smile and turned to look out the window. Her face was no longer pinched up in concentration, because there was no way we would be shopping at the Forks grocery store today.

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I know some people are probably confused, but there will be more chapters to come.  
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. The idea came to me when I was in the grocery store and I squeezed a peach just a bit too hard and it bruised. I wondered how a vampire, with completely no sense of food, would manage in a grocery store.  
I'm a first time writer so it's probably not very good to you experienced readers or writers :P But please my only request is if you have read this, pleas review it.  
Whether you liked it, or hated it...let me know! Even little, completely irrelevant details are appreciated. That way I can make the story better, or if all of you hate it then I can just stop writing to reduce your pain ;) THANK YOU !


	2. Chapter 2

**So we finally are in the actual grocery store !**  
**Please review, rate it even if you hate :)**  
**suggestions too about what should happen ! enjoy**

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I wasn't necessarily prepared to go when the car parked at the Seattle Loblaws. To be more specific, I was asleep. I still wasn't used to Bella's vampiric speed and reflexes, so when I was told she would be driving me to Seattle, I was ready for a slow and extra long drive. Then once all the "Forks versus Seattle" drama was over, it was easy to fall asleep in the quiet car. But I should have remembered that Bella drove like Tron now.

We got to the grocery store almost as fast as we would have if we had run ourselves...which says something about how far over the speed limit Bella was driving.

By the time I was mostly awake and had the ability to process my surroundings, the car was parked and dead, and everyone had already left and locked the doors. Only Rosalie was kind enough to wait for me to wake up. She helpfully threw a perfectly crafted and pointed paper airplane, made out of some kind of flyer, at my head. The faint stab of the sharp paper and the airplane crumbling against the impact from my head sure woke me up.

I quickly got out of the car and met up with the three of them, who were waiting half way up the parking lot.

"Thanks for joining us sleeping beauty", Bella commented, smiling and looking at me from the corner of her eyes.

I rolled my eyes dramatically and caught a stray grocery cart as I walked. "Yeah, yeah. You should be thanking me. I'm the only person here with knowledge about the particular topic and," I emphasized and stretched out the and as I spoke, "my beauty will give your eyes a break after looking at Rosalie." I winked and waved my hand down the length of my body like it was a car in a showroom. "Look! You didn't even know to get a grocery cart. I'm saving the day already."

Bella pretended to be unamused, but her twitching lip corners gave her away. I caught her eye again, and flashed a wide, goofy smile. Before the laugh could escape her lips, she swiftly cut in front of me to steal the cart and began walking faster ahead of us.

Rosalie was right behind her, but Alice only nonchalantly walked ahead of me, though not all the way to Bella. I smirked, but didn't follow Bella. Instead I strided up and began walking next to Alice.

Alice didn't acknowledge my presence what so ever, but she didn't move or complain either. I turned my head completely down to look at her tiny self, and I could feel my eyebrows raised in an expression of questioning and something like humor. She didn't so much as flicker her eyes, but she had an excited (almost manic) smile plastered to her pixie face. Her eyes were alight and she walked on the balls of her feet, bouncing up and down.

Her expression and demeanor puzzled me for a fraction of a second, but I quickly understood her excitement. I clamped a firm hand on her shoulder to stop her in her place, and she reluctantly turned to look at me after staring at my hand on her shoulder, as if expecting it to vanish at her look. Now she just looked annoyed. It amused me.

"Normal people don't get excited about grocery stores, Alice." I craned my neck down to reach her ear and whispered with mock horror, "In fact, most people dislike it...a LOT! Shocking, I know."

She slipped under my arm gracefully before sticking her little tongue out at me. "Don't you dare ruin this for me, dog" she said sharply but not angrily. In the same second she turned to quickly catch up with Bella and Rosalie.

I laughed quietly and called after her, "Just turn it down a notch. People might get the wrong idea!"

Without turning completely back around, she angled her head just enough for me to see her wink.

What happened after we entered the grocery store was something I did not expect. Not at all.

It was like they had planned for hours this simple task of grocery shopping. The minute we walked through those sliding glass doors with the logo on them that all groceries have (you know what I'm talking about), it was like a football team going out to the field after saying "break". Alice had her one second of enjoyment as she scanned the grocery store, eyes wide and bright like a baby walking into Disney World for the first time, but after she took it in, it was as if she had seen the place a thousand times. In a fraction of a second she was serious and unfazed. They never said a word to each other, but Alice went straight, Rosalie went left and Bella went right, and yet they all seemed perfectly confident that they were going the right direction. Not one of them held a list, but I figured since their brains could hold a billion years worth of information, remembering a simple list of grocery items wasn't a big deal.

But while they all went off looking like this was their reason for living, their mission on earth, something they had been working for since they were kids, I just stood there dumbfounded. Aside from the utter shock of seeing vampires with such strong reassurance and complete preparation while shopping for food, I knew deep down I was a little hurt. I tried to burry that feeling of disappointed, betrayal even, that they didn't really need my assistance but it only got worse as I thought it out loud. My smug and excited feelings of being more intelligent in **something **over the Cullens resurfaced, and as ashamed as I was for admitting it, I knew that my ego had just cut down a notch.

Oh thank God Edward wasn't here to hear this in my mind.

As quickly as I had realized those pathetic feelings, my pride pushed them all the way to the bottom, under all those other cooler and more manly feelings, where hopefully they could never come back... Ever.

I scanned the directions that the three vampires had headed, and found that they were each already far ahead in the crowds. I easily decided to follow Bella. One reason being that I had noticed Bella seemed to be leading this little situation. Alice, Rose and Bella seemed to have a silent agreement that Bella would take charge for this part of the party. I could understand why. Bella had been a pretty talented chef only months before, and seeing as she spent the most time with humans and was the only one who** could** remember food, it seemed appropriate for her to lead the decisions . Another reason being that to voluntarily spend a moment of time with Rosalie would crack my pride in itself.

I caught up with Bella in no time, and found her looking at frozen pizzas with an expression of deep thought mixed with disgust. Her wrinkled nose seemed to say that disgust was winning.

"What are we..." I started casually, but was cut short by Bella's frantic voice.

"Do kids like pizza? I'm thinking they do, but I don't want to order that greasy kind from those little take out places. But I'm pretty sure Delisio isn't too good either, from those horrible commercials they play. So I could get organic, but I'm also pretty sure that when kids say they like pizza, they mean that they like the greasy kind from those little take out places." Her words were panicked and rushed. She looked up at me with big, confused golden eyes and I could see the little line forming between her eyebrows that she got when she was stressed.

I couldn't help the feeling of relief and cockiness that filled me. Clearly they did need my help. I realized these are the feelings a child or a teenage girl feels, but I didn't really care.

"Well," I began in a way that made it seem like I answered questions like this for a profession, "you're right. Kids love pizza, but only the greasy take out kind. So, if you want pizza, you're gonna have to go for that."

Bella pouted just a little and it made her look younger. Like she was an actually teenager, rather than a mother. "I don't want to get that kind of pizza though. It's so unhealthy and..." She bit her lip as she thought of the right word. "Common," she decided and sighed. "But I mean, I want to stick with the carnival theme and all, so I guess I have to get pizza." The way she said it was like a question, and it was obvious she wanted the answer to be no.

I held back a smile. It made me laugh at how seriously everyone was taking this. Most parents just order pizza the day of, or sometimes just planned the party at a time that doesn't require food. But I had to maintain my status as a good assistant, so I tried to make my words insightful. "If you don't want to do pizza, but you want to stick with the carnival theme, then what you **should** be doing is hot dogs."

Bella whipped her head up to me so fast, and said the words like it was the first time she had heard it in the english language. "Hot dogs?"

I nodded and smiled.

"Hot dogs," she repeated, getting used to the word. "Hot dogs huh?" She cocked her head to the left and raised her eyebrows, looking for my approval.

"Yep," I nodded and smiled again.

"Aren't hot dogs even more unhealthy?" she asked suspiciously.

"Yes, but you can do more with hot dogs. You can make them healthy," I whispered like I was revealing a great secret. "Instead of getting frozen packaged hot dogs, you get sausages! Sausages are better quality then hot dogs, but you cook them. Then ya put them in a nice toasted bun, and BAM," I raised my voice suddenly and dramatically. Bella was looking at me like it was too much to comprehend. "You got yourself a nice, healthier version of a carnival hot dog! The kids won't be able to tell them difference." I finished with a nod, and had to admit, I gave pretty good advice.

After I finished, Bella squinted her eyes and looked at me for a long time. She seemed to be waiting for me to crack, as if I had told her a lie. Eventually I couldn't tell what was wrong with her, so I cocked my head and squinted my own eyes at her, trying to figure out what was happening. She only responded by slowly, and carefully cocking her own head.

I could tell Bella was choosing her words before she said, "Sausage hot dogs. You're sure about this?"

I felt a little unsure of myself now too, but I shook away the idea. I responded quickly and confidently, "yes. Very sure."

"Alright then! Sausage hot dogs it is," Bella decided suddenly pleased. She bounded off toward the meat section before I could gather my thoughts. She was a strange one.

Then again, I just had a very intense conversation about hot dogs. Who wasn't strange anymore?


	3. Chapter 3

**So here's chapter three, more issues in the grocery store.  
This is all the stuff I could picture Jake, Bella, Alice, and Rose doing in real life...  
****but what do you think?  
****Please read it, tell me what you like or don't like, and then let me know what you think the four of them would be like :) suggestions are very, very appreciated !**

**None of the characters belong to me, all Stephanie Meyer there :P  
****enjoy ! **

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Bella disappeared amongst the grocery store crowds to search for her sausage hot dog ingredients without so much as a backward glance. I debated for a minute if I should follow her or not, but I figured I had done all I could for that particular challenge. She would find what she needed without my help.

I looked around trying to find somewhere else that I could be of help to my vampire "co-shoppers". Being as tall as I was I could practically see over the aisles anyway, so I simply raised myself slightly on to my tiptoes and I could see two aisles ahead of me. There I saw, two rows down from me, Rosalie and Alice with their heads bent together discussing a product that Alice held in her petite hands.

I walked over to them leisurely, not really worried about how fast I got there. "Well hello there! Funny meeting you here!" I said with sarcasm, popping my head in to their conversation.

Alice was like a statue, never moving. Clearly what she was looking at deserved her attention more than me. Rosalie peeled her head away from whatever they were holding, just to glare at me. Before I had time to process a comeback in return, or even readjust my facial expression to one of loathing, her eyes were back intently staring at the label of the product.

Wow, one thing I could always count on with the Cullens was a heartwarming welcome.

I didn't try to keep up the enthusiastic charade any longer. "Seriously, what are you looking at?" I asked in a serious monotone, almost bored voice.

When Alice, who both Rosalie and I expected to answer, remained silent, Rosalie sighed and responded, "Bella told us we needed snack food. Mostly a different variety of chips, pretzels, and popcorn. Apparently kids like that." She told me as if I was being informed on something I had no concept of.

I looked at them both for a few long moments. The one thing I did not understand was why there was such a large debate and so much concentration going into this simple matter. "Yeah, so? What's the big deal? Pick up some bags of chips and cheetos and move on." I answered with honest curiosity and confusion.

This time Alice replied quickly. "The big deal is that from looking at these nutrition facts and comparing them to our knowledge on nutrition, " she paused to glare at me before continuing, "which I can guarantee is larger than yours, it brings us to the conclusion that all these snack foods are not very healthy. Not at all. In fact, it's a shock parents allow children to consume these at all, based on their suggested food intake," Alice snapped.

I didn't seem to get her point. "Yeah..so?" I repeated.

"Are you too dense to understand, mutt?" Rosalie asked scathingly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, preparing to explain. I opened my eyes wide and spoke slowly, like how you talk to a five year old. "No, I'm not too dense to understand. I understand your point very well actually. Yeah, you're completely right, it's real unhealthy to eat this stuff. But that doesn't really matter. No one looks at the nutrition facts that carefully, and clearly eating it does no harm if you can control yourself. Besides, half the kids at this party will only have eaten this stuff **at** birthday parties because parents are too scared to give them anything for hyper purposes. So, it's kinda like a special birthday party treat. I bet you anything some of the kids coming to Nessie's party are more excited for the pop and the junk food than the actual party activities."

Alice gasped, and looked up at me with an expression of complete horror and disbelief. "This is so difficult," she mumbled angrily and at that she turned her attention back towards the shelves upon shelves of chip bags.

I was about to give a suggestion when Bella's breathless voice cut me off. I knew she wasn't actually breathless, but she looked like a human who had run around chasing a bewitched grocery cart all day. She held a packed grocery basket in each hand. "Alright, I got the ingredients for the main course. Which by the way Alice and Rose, is hot dogs made with cooked sausages and toasted buns. It was Jake's idea," she said and looked at me with a loving, proud smile. "I picked up a couple ingredients for some salad and I got the drinks too. Now what are we working on?" Bella asked pleasantly.

"We're trying to find these damn chips that you want," Alice grumbled. "It's disgusting these people even let their children eat this stuff, but whatever!" She threw her hands in the air and shook her head violently while she said whatever. Alice definitely was frustrated with this whole junk food concept, I thought.

Bella's happy mood seemed to entirely vanish at Alice's words. "Oh no! Do you think we should not get it?" Bella asked frightened. She looked from Rosalie, to Alice, to me and back, searching for an answer.

I let out a low breath. This was really getting exhausting.

Bella seemed to take my reaction as a no, and she asked quickly, "No, we can't cut out the snack foods! No, you're right. You're completely right."

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

But then her eyes went wide again and her mouth popped open slightly. "But all the parents will be watching closely, judging. They already think I'm some teenager who got pregnant by accident. They probably think I'm," she whispered hesitantly, "a slut or something. So, does chips say that I'm careless? A bad parent? Maybe I should get some fruit," she pleaded to me for an answer.

Oh, now this was getting ridiculous. "I thought everyone thought that you were Ness' aunt or something?" I exclaimed slowly and suspiciously.

"Still..." Bella muttered guiltily.

I shook my head, and grasped her shoulder's gently. I stared directly in her eye and said exasperated, "No body will be judging you. And besides, if they do, they will not be worried about your snack food choices. You're creating your own problems Bells!"

She nodded a little and cocked her head left, she looked like she was thinking hard to herself. "Yeah I know. You're totally right. But... I mean, fruit can't hurt can it?" Her face was now smiling and her eyebrows were raised, waiting for me to give her an answer. She looked like a child asking for a toy after saying pretty, pretty please.

I sighed loudly and let my arms drop in defeat. "I'll come get the fruit with you!" Alice said from behind me.

Bella's expression lit up and together they turned from me and Rosalie and walked merrily out of the aisle. Alice called to us without turning around, "Rose! You can do the chips and all that stuff." She sounded very relieved, and yet annoyed. Even after she reached the end of the snack food row, I could her her muttering about "no good snack foods...so bad" and such.

I watched them until they were out of sight, and then felt kind of useless. I turned around and found Rosalie just staring at me.

Her full, too perfect lips were pursed and her eyes were tight. We stared at each other awkwardly, until I couldn't stand it anymore and directed my gaze to the floor.

"Um..." I began at the same time she started to say, "Let's..."

We both fell silent again, and looked awkwardly at each other once more. I sucked in a long, hissing breath and shifted my sight to the ceiling.

Finally, Rosalie spoke. Fast and annoyed, like she just wanted to get this over with. **Something** that we agreed on. "So, are you going to help me with this or not, oh wise one?" She asked accusingly.

_Would it be really lame for me to just walk away now_, I asked myself. _Yes, yes it would. _

_ "_You lead the way," I said hesitantly. And with a final glare at each other we turned to the selection of junk food. I was really starting to regret coming now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much to all of you who have been reading ! **  
**I truly hope you are enjoying the story, despite the fact it might not be extremely interesting. **  
**One request, please review it if you have read it!**  
**I would like to know what you think, to improve my writing, and also take suggestions to hopefully give you what you guys want !**  
**Thank you again ! enjoy :)**

**Once more, none of the characters belong to me...Stephanie Meyer to thank for them ;) **

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Rosalie scanned over the selection of chips and salted snack foods, squinting her eyes as if carefully reading, really understanding what it all meant and how it affected our decision.

She didn't have a clue.

I watched her with my eyebrows raised in a taunting, sarcastic way and my smile crooked up to one side. She glanced backwards at me, and when she saw my expression she seemed to give up on pretending to "get" everything. Slowly, she reached out her delicate arm to the nearest bag of chips, which happened to be Blue Cheese and Barbeque flavored potato chips. You know, that weird kind some adults seem to enjoy.

I snickered quietly, but enough for her to turn her head to me. She nodded her head left to right, with an expression asking of approval and annoyance on her perfect features. I simply scrunched my nose and brought my lips to the side, while I looked up to the ceiling as if pondering. When I heard her sigh dramatically, I looked back at her again and shook my head.

She brought her hand to the bags beside it, resting upon something called "Uncle Kracker's Sodium Free, No-Artificial Flavored Organic Potato Chips". For a second even I couldn't keep up my sarcastic, smug act and had to curl my lips in disgust. If you were going to eat crap, you had to eat all out. None of this in the middle junk.

"Oh God no!" I exclaimed and flamboyantly wave crossed my arms out in front of me numerous times. Rosalie's expression remained poised, but her lip wrinkled up just a bit and her eyes blazed. I could tell I was really getting under her skin.

It was great.

Finally I stopped and held my hands in front of me, signaling for her to continue. Rather than completely turn around this time, she just stretched her arm out to touch the next bag of popcorn. She kept her eyes locked on mine, and she smiled defiantly with her eyebrows raised and tight. Her face was a mix between, "Does this please you, oh great alpha" and "If you don't speed the hell up I will rip that smug smile of your face for good".

I spent a second focusing on keeping my laugh in and my expression serious before I looked clearly at the bag she had her finger resting on. The front of the bag read, "Jalepeno Popcorn. This Stuff is HOT!" I pulled my head back and raised my eyebrows this time in disbelief. I chuckled and shook my head slowly from left to right.

Rosalie's sarcastically calm charade was slipping. Her lip curled up completely and her smile was wiped clean off her face. She didn't make any motion to pick another bag. Instead she turned her whole body towards me and snarled only loud enough for me to hear. I knew she was telling me that the jokes were over now.

I looked up at the ceiling pretending to think again, and I debated to continue messing with her mind some more. But I had to take into consideration, that she was a vampire and we were in an area literally filled with blood flowing humans. I flicked a quick look at her eyes, and I noticed they were closer to dark brown than gold. Despite my feelings for the Cullens, I still was cautious with them.

Finally I sighed, and looked at her. Smiling, I did a quick look over at the selection, and I pointed to a bag of classic Doritos. She never took her eyes off of me, but her hand followed my directions and she landed on the bag quickly. She turned her head in question, and I replied with a wink.

She took a long, low breath that shook her shoulders. Her hands grabbed the bag so quickly, I knew something was bound to go wrong. In the same second that her fingers made contact with the plastic, there was a small pop sound and we both knew the bag would not handle Rosalie's anger. My hand instinctively covered my open mouth as the bag of Doritos burst open. Dozens of tiny chip pieces sprawled everywhere, including Rosalie's golden waves.

I dropped my hand when I finally managed to shut my gapping mouth, and just looked a her with wide eyes, fighting to hide my hysteria.

Rosalie didn't seem to be able to meet my eyes. She fingered a piece of chip in her hair, only to have it crumble into a million more tiny crumbs. She closed her eyes and curled her hand into a fist. When she opened them, moments later, she stared to the ground, taking in her mess.

"Mother FUU..." she began to explode. I would have let her continue, for my shear amusement, but just in time did I notice our audience.

Two small, blond children were standing still as statues in front of a grocery cart. A middle aged women whom seemed to be trying to ignore us, just couldn't look away longer as she stared at us with large, accusing eyes. The girl who looked about seven had her mouth hanging open, and her eyes were shocked but at the same time marveling. Probably thinking Cinderella had just done a bad deed, every seven year old girl's worst nightmare. I shuddered at the thought of kids in wonderment of Rosalie. I also choked a laugh just a little bit.

In the nick of time I managed to clear my throat, luckily distracting Rosalie for just long enough. Mid-word she glanced my way, to which I smiled widely, and then shifted her gaze towards the small family.

"FUU...DDdggge." She cleared her throat slightly, too, before whispering, "Fudge."

Everyone seemed to be staring at someone else for a period of time. I was looking expectantly at the mother, while the kids stared at Rosalie, as Rosalie's glare bored into my face.

I was enjoying Rosalie's utter surprise and lack of ability to fix the problem, as well as the families variation of expression. But not only did Rosalie look quite ready to kill me, as well as the little family, it was also getting a bit awkward. So I decided to wrap it up.

"Well, I guess we gotta clean this up, right?" I said with lots of fake enthusiasm, and a large, smug smile. I opened my hands wide in front of me, and turned from the family to Rosalie. My presence seemed to snap out the mother, who immediately pushed the grocery cart forward in front of the dazed children, and muttered a barely audible "Come on" to the two young kids. They were out of sight in a matter of seconds.

I laughed a throaty laugh before I gave Rosalie a sad smile. "Oh man Rose! Anger management still not helping?" She narrowed her eyes and clenched her fists deeper.

"Don't worry, it'll come" I added with a final wink. "Now you clean this mess up, pick up another bag...GENTLY," I warned dramatically, "and come meet me and the others. I'm going to find Alice and Bella, they'll have a hoot when I tell them this!"

Rosalie's face was tight, but she decided better than to challenge me in the midst of her embarrassment. She dropped gracefully to the ground, and with a face of disgust began scooping all the fallen chips swiftly.

I was completely turned around, when I hollered just for Rosalie's torture, "A HOOT! They'll have a hoot I tell you!" I laughed to myself, but I knew Rosalie could her.

At first she didn't say anything, but when I reached the end of the aisle she hissed menacingly, only loud enough for me to hear, "I hate you."

I paused for a second, but didn't turn around. "Ah, what else is new?"

And I continued with my smug, easy walk towards the fruit section with a much brighter outlook on the day.


	5. Chapter 5

I had been right. Bella and Alice did have a hoot when I told them the beautiful story of Rosalie's display in the snack food aisle.

Bella tried hard to contain her hysteric laughs. Her first reaction was to slap me lightly across my forearm (I still haven't got used to how much that hurts now), but when I just choked out an "Ow" in between laughs, she had to try real hard to keep a disappointed face. After staring at me and Alice's humored expressions, the giggle finally escaped her. Soon the giggle evolved into loud, erupting laughs, as I retold highlights of the event.

Alice too was giggling quietly into her hand as I went through certain parts dramatically. I couldn't help but notice the relief Alice seemed to get from the story. By the way she relaxed her tense shoulders, and her face finally loosened up into a real smile, I was pretty sure she was only laughing because she was glad someone seemed to have as much difficulty with the "chips situation" as she had.

Soon, I was breathless from laughs, and we all settled down enough to focus on our next task. I sighed happily, which seemed to end all the hysteria. "What have you guys been working on here?" I asked to keep the work going.

"Well," Bella began in an almost formal, business-like way, " we're deciding on what fruit to get, and how we are going to serve it to everyone. Which means it's probably a good thing you came now," she said and smiled. Everyone seemed to be more relaxed now, and not so stressed. It was good, easier.

I nodded thoughtfully, and then looked at them and smiled pleasantly. "So what were you thinking?" I asked.

Alice was the informant apparently, because she answered instantaneously with facts that seemed memorized. "We're certain that we'll get some apples, because apples always go over well. According to my research, apples are the most common fruit eaten by children and adults. Would you say that's about right?" she looked up at me curiously, waiting for an answer. I was a little thrown off by her absolutely serious face, but I was used to this by now. I didn't make a joke or a comment, I decided to just be as helpful as I could at this point, so I nodded and smiled down at her. She immediately went back talking about her information. " Alright, so we will certainly get apples. Now we're are just unsure about how to present them. Skin on or off? Some kids have colour preferences I think, so we're going to get the classic Gala apple. But do we cut them in quarters? Let kids take and eat as they please? Give each one a cut up apple? Should we..." She continued on, and I listened to her worries, **truly **listened this time. I added in my thoughts occasionally when I felt they could be helpful, and together we seemed to be making some progress.

However, after a couple minutes my attention wandered towards Bella. She was looking blankly in a different direction, not really seeing anything. Her eyebrows were creased in worry, and I noticed that little line between her eyebrows that forms whenever she's stressed. Alice was so deep into her rant, that she didn't notice me watching Bella from the corner of my eye. I watched her for several moments, hoping to catch her eye, but she just kept the same expression and looked the same direction. It was starting to get a little creepy.

I cut Alice off mid-rant and called, "Bella!" Alice huffed but went silent, waiting for my attention again impatiently. Bella blinked, and focused on me quickly.

"Yeah Jake?" she asked innocently.

I didn't speak, just gave her a questioning, confused look.

She realized I had seen her worrying about something, and she simply shrugged and smiled. "I think I'm going to find Rose. We're almost done here, and she's been alone for awhile now. She should be cleaned up at this point. But," she hesitated for a second, choosing her words carefully, "it's Rose...we don't know how angry she's gotten." She laughed a little at saying her thoughts out loud.

Alice and I both laughed in turn, and before Bella left she told us, "I'll be back soon, and then we can probably check out. If you guys just figure out what's happening with the fruit." We nodded our agreements, and Bella turned leaving just the two of us.

Both me and Alice watched Bella until she was out of sight, but when she left it wasn't awkward. It was a lot easier being alone with Alice than Rosalie. We got back to the fruit selection right away.

"As I was saying...," Alice finished up her questions and concerns and we brainstormed our final decision relatively fast.

We chose to get a little more than a dozen apples, as there were to be about twelve children attending. We would cut them into wedges and place them equally in several bowls, that would be placed on the table during lunch so the kids could take them while they were eating their hot dogs, as a healthy snack. We would leave the skin on them, and we decided on Red Delicious apples after all. After that the cake would come, but we would also serve a selection of cut peaches, green grapes, and strawberries. It seemed fair, and tasty, and really healthy too.

Together Alice and I started to gather the fruits we had picked, satisfied with our choices.

We worked silently for most of the time, but something (actually a someone) caught my eye on the other side of Alice.

A tall, gangly teenage boy with shaggy brown hair and freckles was leaning against the cart beside him. He was quite frankly, googling at Alice. I was surprised he had kept the drool from rolling down his chin.

At the front of the cart, a mother was busy picking and bagging fruit. Beside her however, was a preteen girl, with the same brown hair and freckles as the boy. They were obviously siblings, who both were staring in our directions. The girl was trying, with not much success, to hide the dagger looks of jealousy that she was shooting at Alice.

Alice was unaware of the situation brewing beside us. But I couldn't hold back my snicker when the girl squinted her eyes at her brothers obvious desire for Alice, and then looked to Alice in clear hate. Alice looked up to me, and cocked her head to the side. I barely concealed my smile, as I sneakily nodded towards the brother and sister.

Alice looked at them full on, snf looked back at me the same moment her eyes took in the situation. But Alice couldn't reverse what had happened now though.

At Alice's look, the boy's jaw dropped open completely and you could practically smell the longing he felt. He composed himself eventually, but continued to stare, with a large cocky smile on his boyish face. I looked at him in disbelief and amusement. Usually just my presence had most teenage boys running the other direction, but this kid was persistent. And a bit too smug for his own good.

The girl was even funnier. Her expression when she saw Alice's face was one of utmost soul crushing. Her lips hung open too, at first sight, and I could feel the slam her self-esteem had just taken. But like the boy, she quickly rearranged her face to look like she was laughing at Alice, as though she was embarrassed for her. I never got girls. Did this kid honestly think Alice would be hurt by her obvious dislike towards her?

I looked back at Alice, who was trying hard to become invisible but turned to me with wide and blazing eyes. I raised my eyebrows up and down quickly, taunting her. She bit her lip to hide her laughs, and moved her focus back to the fruit.

I was still watching the family though, and it was unbelievable to watch them blankly stare at Alice with full force. Wasn't that considered rude ?

I was getting too much fun out of this, and I couldn't control myself when I nudged Alice playfully in the side. She was holding an apple gently, but she couldn't seem to resist a look either. She composed her face to a serious expression, and looked directly at the boy.

He seemed to consider her look a result of him, in a positive light, and he watched her carefully for a moment with the same cocky grin on his face. Suddenly, he winked at her seductively.

Alice's head whipped back my direction, and her whole body seemed to tense. And the apple she held her in tiny hand was not able to bear the pressure. Just like Rosalie, just one second of distraction and everything fell under the vampires strength. We're just lucky they weren't holding a grocery cart or, a person at the time.

The Red Delicious exploded in her hand, juice and apple chunks flying everywhere. Alice was so shocked at her display, she just looked at the destroyed apple in her hand and then realization hit, and she peered cautiously at the humans watching.

The girl gasped and looked at Alice rather frightened. The boy however suddenly had a grin of such pleasure spread across his face, and he was nodding at Alice . When the brother displayed the opposite feelings of the sister, the preteen girl now breathed angrily before storming off to her mother.

Alice's free, clean hand covered the laughs leaking from her mouth. The disbelief was plain on her face.

"I guess he likes girls with a bit of anger eh?" I whispered sarcastically in her ear. "Maybe he'd like me to demonstrate my anger on his face," Alice giggled quietly.

I decided to let the fun last a little longer, so before the boy began backing away, I waved to him a luxurious four finger wave. His feelings about Alice seemed to dissolve pretty fast after that. His eyes were wide and disturbed, and his mouth curled up in disgust slightly. To seal the deal and get him out of our hair for good, I extended my pinky and my thumb in the shape of a phone and pressed it to the side of my face as I mouthed "Call me".

His mouth hung open again, but with this time shock and more disgust. He was walking backwards before I could lower my hand, and in no time he was out of sight.

Alice and me waited a couple moments, saying nothing. Letting what just happened hit us.

And when it did, we doubled over laughing. For a long, long time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, here we are. The end of the story. :) **  
**Jacob, Bella, Alice and Rosalie managed to make it through a day at the grocery store, but not without a lot of funny stories.**

**I hope anyone who has read the full story has enjoyed my very first, and to all of those people who might not have read everything yet, I truly hope you do. **  
**It means so much to me that people are reading my fanfiction, so thank you so very much. **

**Please review, so that maybe I can get some ideas and advice for future stories (which I do hope to write soon!)**  
**Thank you all so much, and stay tuned for more fanfictions! **

* * *

I couldn't believe it.

We had done it, finished. In only an hour and a half.

Together, the non-eating vampires and myself, had picked up the ingredients for a meal for plus twelve, as well as snack foods and drinks and fruit, in less time than most eating people. I really had to start giving the vampires a bit more credit. They really were exceptionally talented, well you know, when they used their "talents" for good instead of evil.

Even the check out line had been quicker and easier than most times I'm at the grocery store for just some milk. I had worried that with all our food and the distraction regular people seemed to have with the Cullens, that slowed down their brain pace, we would be in line for half an hour. But we sped through it in no time.

Me, Bella, Rose, and Alice swiftly placed all the food on the pulley in seconds. At first, we let the cashier check out and bag the food herself, but only being a teenager and somewhat intimidated by our presence, she was quite slow and clumsy. I smiled, thinking of how Bella used to be. By the time she had checked out only four items, Alice's patience wore out and she began passing products to the girl one by one. Rose and I went to the end of the aisle and took the food right from the young worker's hands and into our bags.

With all our extra assistance, I'm pretty sure we broke the record for checking out and bagging in a grocery store. Bella handled the money as the rest of us began to gather our bags.

The Cullen's substantial amount of money also quickened the speed. Bella had only four hundred dollar bills in her wallet, and a credit card. The final cost ended up at 237.50 dollars, and rather than spending extra time with a credit card, she handed the girl three of the bills and curtly told her, "Keep the change."

We left the wide eyed, opened mouth cashier behind without another word. We were at the car only moments later.

Somehow, Alice and Bella managed to perfectly fit all the plastic bags into the tiny Volvo trunk. Bella slammed the the trunk down gently (well, gently for a vampire's strength), in an almost a victorious way. Like the "closing of the trunk" had signified our accomplishment. She looked down at the shut truck for a second, and childly clapped her hands together in glee before she turned to face the rest of us with a wide smile. She clearly expected the happy feeling to be mutual.

Her face dropped quite a bit when Alice just rolled her eyes and tucked into the backseat, seeming quite fed up with human food and grocery stores in general. Rosalie was already in the front seat.

I smiled at her, which lit up her face a little, but I was more amused at the other's obvious displeasure of the day's activities, and Bella's immature satisfaction.

Today was becoming one heck of a strange day, I thought.

We were well out of the core of Seattle, and had several minutes of quiet in the car, before anyone spoke.

"Well, that was a successful day. Don't you all think so?" Bella questioned innocently and casually.

Nobody responded. In fact, the only noise that came from the car at that moment was Alice's huff in disagreement. The atmosphere seemed to say "no" to Bella's question.

Bella's lips twitched down into a frown for a moment, and she said softly, "Um, well, thank you guys for coming." She stopped and added hesitantly, "You all helped a lot, really." Something about Bella's voice made me feel guilty. I realized I felt guilty, because Bella felt guilty. As if it was her fault that **some** of us of didn't enjoy the grocery store.

Immediately I tried to make Bella feel better, and hopefully get the others to ease up. Despite some things, I pretty much had a really fun time.

"Personally, I very much enjoyed when Rosalie took her angry out on the defenseless bag of Doritos," I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

The minute I said the words, I regretted them. For when the whole sentence was out, I could practically see Bella's face get impossibly whiter in fear and disbelief. Rosalie's eyes flamed with the same disbelief at what I had said, mixed with utter anger.

Alice however, snicker-giggled in her high soprano. The sound was reassuring and pretty, like church bells. Something about her little laugh melted away the tension. Suddenly, I saw Bella and Rosalie's expression morph into something new. You could plainly see the stress leave Bella's tight face, as she peered at Rosalie from the corner of her eyes, anticipating her reaction.

Rosalie at first went rather blank. The fire in her eyes was clouded over with confusion. And then, despite everything we expected, she quietly, almost silently, let out a chuckle through her closed lips. As if on cue, Bella's worry vanished and she smiled whole heartedly. She looked at Rose and laughed, which seemed to in turn, loosen Rosalie up. Rosalie smiled a little, and shook her head, somewhat sarcastically but mostly laughing at herself, as if reliving the experience in her memories.

"I heard Alice took her anger out on an innocent piece of food too," Rosalie accused lightly, mocking the way I had said it to her.

I laughed as well this time, and smiled towards Alice. I shrugged, which she mimicked, in a way that said "I can't lie, it's true."

Rosalie and Bella caught Alice's guilty shrug, and soon we all were laughing, thinking of the afternoon's events.

"Hey, hey," I said between gasps of breath, "Alice had a justifiable reason! Some creepy, tall, gangly teenager was trying to pick her up!" I exclaimed seriously, but I couldn't keep up the faux seriousness. A dose of deep laughs escaped me a second later.

"He thought he was doing good too! It was only when Jacob scared him off with pretend romantic attraction did he back off!" Alice trilled in her silver voice. We looked each other in the eyes for a moment, and seemed to share a inside joke between the two of us, before Alice peeled another crystal clear giggle.

"Reminds me of a tall, gangly teenager I used to know," Bella said mischievously and she looked at me with a kind, thoughtful smile.

Despite the dig, my insides warmed. Somehow the fact that we could laugh easily about the times when nothing was certain, the times when our friendship had no answers, and the times that seemed impossible to solve, gave me such a good feeling. Finally everything in my life was perfect, and however much I might complain, Bella had reminded me that we had fought through it and beat it. The adversity, the unknown, and the pain, together as best friends.

I smiled widely, privately to Bella, and at that very moment everything felt right.

Finally we were all quiet, but happy. It was the same feeling you get when you eat a huge, delicious Thanksgiving dinner and afterwards you relax, surrounded by family. It feels full, and content, and warm.

"Well, I for one, am done with shopping for food. Not to toot my own horn, but even an extraordinary party planner like myself, can't deal with that crap. The grocery store was a real disappointment," Alice decided calmly, though not at all disappointed.

We all turned to look at Alice with a knowing smile, and shook our heads in amusement. Alice was **always** Alice.

I sighed lightly, as we all turned our different directions. Bella was right, the day had been successful. Renessmee would have a party as unbelievably wonderful as she was, and that was all the mattered. But I also realized the long lasting memories I had shared with my best friend and my...

...My family.

I was a werewolf in a car packed with groceries, and three female vampires, driving **home. **

I smiled fondly to myself at the thought.


End file.
